I remember reading a John Donne poem about a man who was sitting in church. In front of him was a very rich woman, dressed in the finest of clothes, radiating class and beauty. She was very much the bees knees and thought very highly of herself. But as he sat there he could see a louse wriggling around in her hair. She thought she was “all that” and here she was covered in vermin. The punch line of the poem was something along the lines of, “If only we could see ourselves as others see us.”
I’ve thought of that a lot lately. Have you ever had one of those times when you find out that someone that you thought liked you really doesn’t think much of you? Maybe you overhear them talking, you get an email that you weren’t meant to see, someone else tells you something they said, or they tell you themselves that they don’t really think highly of you? That can be very devastating. You’re tripping along, thinking that you are a pretty decent person and then find out that others don’t really see you the same way that you see yourselves. It’s like a kick in the gut that you didn’t see coming. But it’s just the truth coming out.
I wonder: if we could invent some sort of mind-reader that would show us how others REALLY think of us, when they get beyond the social masks that we all wear, would we want to know? It might help us to see our deficiencies and make improvements but it might just make us defensive. Or it might just devastate us and make us wonder what we’ve been doing wrong all along.
You’re a lucky person if you have someone in your life who can lovingly tell you how you really come across in such a way that you can fix the things that are lacking. You’re a good person if you are honest with people, because one day the mask will come off and people will know how you really feel about them.
Oh, to see ourselves as others see us.
I don’t know what kind of application to leave here. Most of us can’t see the lice on our heads (the personality faults that are so obvious to others). I guess all I can say is that we should be as honest as possible with others, gently telling them if they come across in a bad way (and hoping that they don’t get hurt, defensive, or apathetic to you). It’s funny, people who value honesty will carry on like they like a person long after they have written them off. Is that one of the times when a “white lie” is acceptable?
Soul-searching is hard, you often don’t like what you find.
Could you imagine the murder rate if we could? It would be terrible. I am glad I can’t read what people really think. We can often think some really nasty stuff, mostly sudden and unrealistic random thoughts we would never say b/c they are just that.
Well, I have a come back for this!! I know you are a decent man and a man of your word. Those who can’t see that or don’t know that are really missing out on knowing you for who you are. There is always going to be people who don’t like you and want to say harmful things about you but don’t take it to heart. There is only one you should worry about, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ himself.
Hold you head high and let the light of God shine through, and let our maker judge those who do harm to others….
Mrs. T,
Thank you for the kind words. You know, I was thinking: it’s funny how we will ignore the kind words of people who know us and love us when they tell us we’re fine, but someone who criticizes us will leave an impression that we will dwell on.
I can think of times when 100 people would walk out and tell me how much they liked a sermon, but one person with a critical remark would be all that I would remember.
You said it best: so long as we are pleasing to God, little else matters.
John Candy did a movie with Ally Sheedy called “Only the Lonely” His mother in the movie was one of the rudest people that I have met in real life or seen on TV. Her motto “I’m just being honest”. while I agree that hoensty is the best policy, sometimes we need to learn just shut our mouths.
And when people are rude to us, and say sorts fo crap against us to our face, or behind our backs, If there is truth in there learn from it, other than that flush it down the toilet.
From what I know of you, you are a good man.
-M
Not Donne but Robert Burns.
Oops! Thanks for the correction! Was he any kin to George Burns? (Just kidding!)
Here ya go!
Robert Burns’ ‘To a Louse’, last stanza:
Original Scottish version:
O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us
An foolish notion:
What airs in dress an gait wad lea’es us,
An ev’n devotion!
English version:
Oh would some Power the gift to give us
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us
And foolish notion:
What airs in dress and gait would leave us,
And even devotion!